I've been set free!

I was just listening to the Jars of Clay song, No Greater Love and I had a revelation. So you know how Jesus was talking to his disciples about His commandment to love one another as He has loved us. Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. We are Christ's friends if we do what He commands us. John 15:12-14 (well, read the entire chapter too). Jesus also talked a lot about dying to ourselves. About being sacrificial in every part of our lives. Well, lately I've been struggling with being a selfish little brat. I have all that I hoped for, yet I want more. I want more "me time". I want my kids, but then I don't want them to "need" me so much. I want to travel. I want to adopt older kids. I want to be independent. I want to answer to no one but myself. I want all that I have, but then I want something new and different. These are all self-centered and not of Christ. It's my wrestling with the flesh. See, they aren't all necessarily bad. But they are from a selfish origin. Along with being self-centered and rotten, I have felt very distant from my Savior. I know. When I am full of pride and selfishness, it does distance me from everyone: my Savior, my husband, my kids, my friends, even just those I see in passing can see the spirit of ugliness.

Well, the Holy Spirit just taught me the answer to finally slay that beast once and for all. Christ laid down His life willingly to free me from my bondage to sin. The only way that I will be able to show my love is to lay down my life for the one Yahweh has chosen for me. I can show my husband and my kids I love them in many tangible ways (hugging them, kissing them, spending undistracted time with them, telling them I love them, making them meals, etc.). It's been much harder for me to show Christ I love Him because I can't see or touch Him. I am a very tactile learner. I'm not a person of many words, usually. So to finally be ready to give up the life I think I want and to follow the path the Yahweh has ordered for me is freeing! I've"known" all these things for a long time. But knowing and living them out by faith are two completely different things! This morning my head knowledge finally took root in my heart and became faith. I have faith that Yahweh's life for me is better than the one I can choose for myself. I have faith that Christ will be my sustainer and all that I need. I have faith that Yahweh's ways are always better than my own ways. His ways are LIFE and PEACE. Ah, peace, what I long for. Peace in my soul. Peace in my house. Peace in my community. Peace in the world. Peace.

I just wanted to post this and give praise to Yahweh, the God of truth, life, love and peace. He is so merciful. He is so gracious. He is.