Ready for a new year

This year has been one that could be described by the MercyMe song: You Know Better.

I love that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. As 2016 comes to a close, I am grateful that I have been given so many second chances at the cross of Christ. The Rend Collective song: Second Chances shouts exactly how my soul cries.

I look back over the last year and see how I've spent a lot of my time doing what I want to do- seeking my own way- and not bothering to even ask where the Spirit was trying to lead me. It has been a year of discontentment, and no wonder! If I'm not aligned to what the Father has called me to do, I surely ought not to expect His blessing and peace. I did not spend this past year in out right rebellion to His Word. No. I just didn't bother or care to ask Him what He wanted me to do. You know, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. If I don't ask whether I ought to do something, or not, then I am free from the wrestling of not doing something that I really wanted to do in the first place. But just because I don't have the struggle with sin and obedience, does not mean that I have peace. Not walking the path God has ordained for me is the same as not being in the Father's will. If I'm are not doing the will of the Father, the Spirit knows that and it will move me (read no peace) until I get in step with the direction, speed and place that I ought to be.

I am grateful for forgiveness. I am grateful for mercy. I am grateful for the opportunity for repentance. I am grateful for new beginnings. I am grateful for the Spirit who molds me more and more into the image of Christ. I am grateful for second chances to get in-step with the Spirit; to work with Him and not against Him. I am grateful for blessings, even when I sought my own way- my own desires. I am thankful that YHWH is a loving Father, who teaches me over and over until "the light clicks on" and I get what He is after- what He is calling me to, or asking me to let go, for this season of life.

As 2016 ends and 2017 begins, I am joyfully looking for where the Father leads me, what He will call me to do, and who He will call me to be. May this coming year be one with reliance upon The One who created all things. May it be filled with waiting upon His leading. May it be overflowing with love; love for the Savior, love for the body of Christ, love for the unbelievers, love for the Word, love for my husband, love for my kids, love for my family, love for my friends, and love for my enemies. May all people see our good works and GLORIFY OUR FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN! Christ must increase.

My oldest is a decade

I can't believe my oldest is a decade old. She is 10. years. old. What? I am old enough to have a 10 year old?! The past decade she has taught me a lot. A lot about myself. A lot about love. A lot about compassion. A lot about giving.

My little Spy Girl isn't so little any more. She is able to stay home and watch her siblings while I run to the store, or to take them to the park. She is able to fly through a Warriors book in a few hours time, or any other thick chapter book she finds interesting. She creates unique food dishes and loves to serve them to me. She isn't very adventurous in the sense of jumping off a cliff or zip lining, but she braved attending an elementary school in South Korea with no other foreigners, and having very little understanding of the Korean language. I'd say that was adventurous! She picked up quite a bit of Korean during that year, and before we left Korea, she had recruited some friends to take her torch and attend the school like she had.

 This past year we've learned how to deal with epilepsy. We're well versed in how to handle a seizure, even her 6 year old sister knows to roll her on her side and soothe her (and come get me if I'm not there). We've learned that she can hear us (most of the time) when she's having a seizure, but she just can't respond. That has taught me to check my emotions and not freak out. It taught me to stroke her head/arm/side and just tell her repeatedly, "I love you," and to reassure her that it's okay. After having several episodes that were greater than 2 minutes long, and she had cyanosis occurring, we elected to start her on some medication. We view medication as a last resort. I mean, I don't like taking Tylenol unless I'm to the point where I can barely get up because of the pain. So, we went a year without medicating our sweet precious girl. But it got to the point that the risk of not medicating seemed to outweigh the risks of medicating. So now we're 2.5 months into a 24 month trial, and we've been seizure free for this time, praise YHWH! In the beginning she battled massive headaches and frequent dizziness, but thankfully they have both subsided.

These past 10 years she has lived in 10 different homes, 4 different states (AL, NY, AZ, MN) and 3 different countries (US, South Korea, Turkey). She has had to communicate in 3 different languages (English, Korean, Turkish), and learned to decode some Spanish too when wanting to eavesdrop on mine and her daddy's conversations that we were trying to keep encoded from the kids. 

Throughout her life she has visited Canada, Mexico, Jamaica, Turks & Caicos, Japan, and Iceland.

She has traveled to all of the states except Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Delaware, New Jersey, Michigan, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Alaska, Oregon, Washington (13 states). In her short little 10 years of living she has visited 37 states! And I'm not talking about seeing it from the airport. She has spent time seeing what each state is like. Her favorite state was NY because it had A.BUNCH.OF.SNOW!

She has learned to snowboard, play soccer, ride a bike 1 handed very well, play the piano very well, sew, do cartwheels, dance, rock climb, swim, tread water like a pro, and stand up paddle board.

My Spy Girl is full of spunk. She's beginning to figure out what she does and doesn't like- moving out of the little kid stage and into becoming a preteen. She has decided that she doesn't really like dresses: they don't allow her to run, jump and climb with the freedom she'd prefer. She loves maps, but hates it when I give her geography work to do. 

She is full of life. She is tenderhearted, but can be quite stubborn in withholding affection when she is mad at you. She is shy about making friends, but is a loyal friend to have. The past year, with moving away from her friends and bouncing around between homes, has been rough. She misses her friends dearly. Being on opposite timezones has made staying connected hard, timing....and then remembering to make them half way through our day....the Skype/Facetime calls is a challenge. But we take what we can get. So, we try to make friends wherever we are, but it's hard. I can see she wants friends, but she doesn't like to go initiate the process, especially when she can see everyone else seems to already know each other. I struggle with letter her figure it out, and sticking my momma self up in her business and helping her make the connection. Such a fine line we walk as parents! I can see she wants stability. She wants 1 place to call home. She wants her family to all be together. She wants to make friends and stick around to play with them. Hopefully she'll get that before she doesn't care about it anymore. All of the struggles and change isn't all negative. It has, and is, teaching her to be resilient. It highlights the fact that this world is not our home; we were created with eternity in mind. It points to Christ as being the constant. It teaches her to have compassion for all people. My heart breaks a little for her, in figuring out who she is, and her place in humanity. I wonder what her future brings. I hope it is greatness for the cause of Christ. I hope it is glory to YHWH!

Prejudice

So before arriving in Turkey I had basically no interaction with muslim people. Sure, I would see swarms of them when I took my kids to the Mall of America. And back in my freshman year of high school there was a decent size population of muslim students. I just never interacted with any of them since I was't friends with any of them.

To be honest, after the long drawn out fighting of over the last decade and a half, I have allowed myself to be trained to view people with the long dark coat and head covering as an enemy. That is wrong of me. That is sin. They are created in the image of God, just like I was; just like any other human being. While some may be out to hurt me, the majority are not. Most are just going about their days just as I am going about mine.

It's funny the way the Holy Spirit opens your eyes to sin, and the situations used to mold you more into the image of Christ. Yesterday, I was standing at the bus stop, surrounded by people whom I bear no resemblance to; my kids and I sticking out like sore thumbs. While we were waiting for the bus to arrive, another lady who was waiting started to ask me questions in Turkish. She was in a long black jacket and had her head and neck covered with a hijab. Upon realizing that I spoke basically no Turkish (though I counted to 3 for her in Turkish, lol) she tried to convey what she was trying to say to me. She thought my kids were adorable. She even mustered up some English to ask the kids their names. Back in the States I would have smiled politely and moved on, like going on my phone or something. I mean, I don't usually strike up conversations with random strangers in the first place, but I know that a month ago I would have tried to distance myself from her; whether intentionally or not, I 'm not sure, but I know I would have because that is what I've always done....not run away from them, but just stay back and observe with a critical eye. Ouch. There is my sin. Christ says to love. Yet I hadn't been doing much of that, deep down in the recesses of my heart.

An attempt at conversing and then the bus arrived. We were going on the same bus. Little Man wanted to ride it like a surfboard- hands free- so he was flailing all over the place. The same lady kindly stopped him from falling over and helped me wrangle him and the 2 girls until we got to our transfer stop. I thanked her several times in Turkish. She truly had been a blessing to me yesterday. Seeing a smiling face, full of warmth; a friendly face wanting to strike up some conversation- that was a blessing to me. In those few minutes I felt welcome. I didn't feel like an isolated mom in a strange land. And the biggest blessing was the Holy Spirit convicting me of sin, righteousness and judgement. Thank's be to YHWH!